The Most Important Convert

There is one thing you hear a lot as a missionary, and that is that the most important convert on your mission should be yourself. It's something that I had never thought about before going on a mission. It never even crossed my mind. I knew that the "worth of souls is great in the sight of God (D&C 18:10)" but I had never realized that it's not just other people, but it applied to me as well. That God cares about me and my soul!

Coming home early from my mission caused a lot of emotional and mental turmoil. It's difficult to describe what I have felt and continue to feel. It ranges from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. One overwhelming feeling I had was that I had failed. That I had disappointed so many people, and my Father in Heaven.

When I first got my mission call there were so many reasons I felt like Finland was the best for me. It is a cold country! They love Christmas. You can see the northern lights there! The language is one of the hardest to learn. It is one of the safest countries in the world. The people are pretty introverted, but so loving. They value education! They have fantastic chocolate and seafood. The list went on and on! So many reasons I felt Finland was the perfect place for me. I found myself developing a love for what I knew about the culture and people. I prayed for the people I would meet. I felt like there were people there with whom I was meant to share the gospel. Although I was terrified there was also a huge part of me that was so incredibly excited for the challenge!

Thanks to Krystal Dey for creating this video!

At the same time I had this weird feeling deep down that I didn't understand. A feeling that I can now see was preparing me for this experience. This feeling warned me not to get too excited about going to Finland. That a different path was in store for me.

In the mission call of every single missionary it says "It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 {for girls, 24 for boys} months." That day as I read my call I remember the word "anticipated" stuck out to me. It was as if I knew my mission would be atypical.

I now know why. For some reason unbeknownst to me my mission ended before I got the chance to serve in Finland. I was only able to serve a 2 month mission. A mission in which I had the most incredible spiritual experiences, met some of the most outstanding people and yet struggled almost every single day.

I still don't know if I will ever get to serve in Finland, and if I don't get to I realize I might never really know the reason I only served in the MTC.  I do know one thing though, and that is that this is the path that was meant for me. I have so many "guesses" as to why I am where I am, experiencing all of this, but the only person that knows is God. I just get to accept that for now I was only meant to serve for 2 months in the MTC. I was meant to meet those people and have those experiences.

I want you to know that I am incredibly grateful for my two months because during that time I became truly converted. After only a short time I knew that I would never be the same. That I could not come home from my mission and go back to who I was. I was forever changed. I had felt the incredible comfort of the Holy Ghost and my Savior's love like I had never felt it before. I remember the moment I felt the power and truth in Joseph Smith's experience. I know the exact moment when it hit me that the stories in the Book of Mormon really happened. I experienced the joy that comes from the Gospel and it's something I know I will have in my life forever.

The thing I realized tonight is if the most important convert on a mission is the missionary then my mission was a success.